The world is a complicated machine. There are so many parts and factors to consider. I honestly doubt we'll ever see the day when it runs perfectly. Our species is simply far too diverse and close-minded to ever let such a thing happen. Take race for instance. This was, is and always will be a huge issue amongst humans. We must be the only species that cares about the color of skin. This concern clearly derives from fear. Fear of the unknown, as some folks put it. Since none of us know what it's really like to be a different race, many people fear what they don't know/understand. As if there's some secret, unsavory ritual going on. I often wonder if humans will ever move past the issue of interracial relationships and find it within themselves to accept everyone equally. So far things are not looking good.
Do you know of any interracial relationships? Of course you do! Or at least a few in the Hollywood circuit. We see this stuff on TV and in tabloids all the time. But, do you have any friends or acquaintances who are involved in interracial relationships? I know I do. One of my close friends from high school is Asian and his fiance is white. I am also Caucasian, and I can honestly say that this interracial relationship doesn't affect me whatsoever. Why should it? They treat each other well, and I don't wish to date the girl. On the other hand, some folks don't like it. They get odd glares all the time while out in public, as I'm certain many interracial couples do. I'd think by now our society would be past all this, but for some reason they can't be. One thing everyone should do is ask themselves how interracial relationships affect them. If you can come up with something legitimate, I'd be surprised. The truth is it has no bearing on you or your life whatsoever when it comes to strangers and their interracial relationships. Therefore you shouldn't be offended or perturbed.
Ignorance is often the issue where race is concerned. People typically judge things they don't understand. Whether it be choice of music, interracial relationships, or ways of life, it's imperative to learn more before you make judgments. I am addressing all races when I say this, because individuals from all of them do it.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Interracial Relationships
Listening to my parents talk about it, interracial relationships were much different a generation ago. My mom used to tell me about how she was treated when she would date black men in the 60s. At the very least, people would do a double take. Sometimes, she would even be harassed by the police officers. No one wanted to see interracial dating, and they especially didn't want to see interracial marriage. It was so taboo that it wasn't even discussed in many communities. The idea was repugnant to a large segment of American society.
Although I am sure there are still people against interracial relationship dating, in my experience it has never been a problem. I have been in several different interracial relationships, and no one has ever said anything to me about it. I suppose that I live in a very tolerant area, but even so it is striking how normal it is for most people in my peer group. My friends come from all different races, and we all date freely. We have all of the problems that young people have everywhere, But none of those problems have anything to do with race.
Still, I know that at least in some places, interracial relationships are less accepted than they are here. My cousin just had an interracial marriage, and her parents all but disowned her. I went down to North Carolina to participate in the wedding ceremony, and it was one of the most awkward events I have ever experienced. Neither family would look at the other one, and it was only after the drinks had been flowing for a while that conversation finally started. It seemed like such a big deal to make out of nothing. Who really cares about someone else's skin color anyway?
I suppose that, if you live in a community like that, it is very difficult to keep a long-term interracial relationship going. My cousin has talked to me about it a few times, and it sounds like life has been pretty hard since she started her current relationship. Sometimes, the biases that people have are subtle, but they are still there. No one wants to have to put up with a constant undercurrent of hostility from their friends and families. It is no wonder that there aren't more interracial relationships in this country. They are just simply too hard for many people to keep going.
Although I am sure there are still people against interracial relationship dating, in my experience it has never been a problem. I have been in several different interracial relationships, and no one has ever said anything to me about it. I suppose that I live in a very tolerant area, but even so it is striking how normal it is for most people in my peer group. My friends come from all different races, and we all date freely. We have all of the problems that young people have everywhere, But none of those problems have anything to do with race.
Still, I know that at least in some places, interracial relationships are less accepted than they are here. My cousin just had an interracial marriage, and her parents all but disowned her. I went down to North Carolina to participate in the wedding ceremony, and it was one of the most awkward events I have ever experienced. Neither family would look at the other one, and it was only after the drinks had been flowing for a while that conversation finally started. It seemed like such a big deal to make out of nothing. Who really cares about someone else's skin color anyway?
I suppose that, if you live in a community like that, it is very difficult to keep a long-term interracial relationship going. My cousin has talked to me about it a few times, and it sounds like life has been pretty hard since she started her current relationship. Sometimes, the biases that people have are subtle, but they are still there. No one wants to have to put up with a constant undercurrent of hostility from their friends and families. It is no wonder that there aren't more interracial relationships in this country. They are just simply too hard for many people to keep going.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Fixing Relationship After Serious Problems
Fixing a relationship is really no different than fixing anything else that's broken. What makes fixing a relationship so hard are the emotional issues that tend to take free reign when things go wrong. More oftentimes than not, the number one area where a relationship begins to breakdown is the area of commitment.
Fights, cold exchanges and everyday pressures can weaken a couples' sense of commitment towards their relationship. Herein lies one of the destructive effects of emotions run wild. This can be seen most clearly when our sense of commitment to our job, or work life is compared to our sense of commitment towards our relationship.
Job commitments are connected to our means of survival (food, shelter, clothing). Because of the importance of these needs, our approach towards the job commitment tends to be less flexible than that towards a relationship. We take a more visionary perspective of our role inside the job commitment, and our reason to keep it.
This type of perspective lets little things be little things. It also loosens us up to take more creative approaches when dealing with big problems. In effect, the importance of the commitment increases our tolerance threshold considerably.
This is the kind of commitment depicted inside the marriage vow, "til death do we part". It's an attitude. It's a state of mind that makes dealing with relationship problems a clearer, and more grounded task at hand. It keeps our emotional sensitivities in check; unless issues arise that totally violate a couples sense of togetherness. And even then, emotions don't run as high as when commitment has become a back burner issue.
Truth be told, as much as we want out relationship to be that special and magical place, being in it for the long haul requires a working commitment. Once the importance of this commitment starts to weaken, problems take on an importance of their own. So when we start to see, or feel a rift developing in our relationships, questioning the root issue of commitment is a good place to look. The ultimate question being : Do I really ...really...want this to work ...or not?
Fights, cold exchanges and everyday pressures can weaken a couples' sense of commitment towards their relationship. Herein lies one of the destructive effects of emotions run wild. This can be seen most clearly when our sense of commitment to our job, or work life is compared to our sense of commitment towards our relationship.
Job commitments are connected to our means of survival (food, shelter, clothing). Because of the importance of these needs, our approach towards the job commitment tends to be less flexible than that towards a relationship. We take a more visionary perspective of our role inside the job commitment, and our reason to keep it.
This type of perspective lets little things be little things. It also loosens us up to take more creative approaches when dealing with big problems. In effect, the importance of the commitment increases our tolerance threshold considerably.
This is the kind of commitment depicted inside the marriage vow, "til death do we part". It's an attitude. It's a state of mind that makes dealing with relationship problems a clearer, and more grounded task at hand. It keeps our emotional sensitivities in check; unless issues arise that totally violate a couples sense of togetherness. And even then, emotions don't run as high as when commitment has become a back burner issue.
Truth be told, as much as we want out relationship to be that special and magical place, being in it for the long haul requires a working commitment. Once the importance of this commitment starts to weaken, problems take on an importance of their own. So when we start to see, or feel a rift developing in our relationships, questioning the root issue of commitment is a good place to look. The ultimate question being : Do I really ...really...want this to work ...or not?
Relationship Issues By Communication Breakdown
The essential problem in any bad relationship is a breakdown in communication between the two partners. No matter what the issues are (money, infidelity, etc.), the real problem is that the two partners haven’t been talking openly to each other about their feelings. This lack of communication is what makes the problems grow in the early stages and furthermore, what makes them hugely difficult to deal with in the end stages of the relationship. And essentially, whether couples go to workshops together, or therapy, or even answer the questions on a relationship quiz together, the real bottom line for any method is that the two people are talking to each other about their relationship.
Too often, talking to each other means fighting with each other. Relationship problems can’t be solved with yelling and screaming and the main purpose of a workshop, or a quiz or therapy is that there is something or someone there to prevent the yelling and screaming from taking over the process.
The therapist can be helpful if he or she does nothing more than to provide a safe, controlled atmosphere for the couple to talk calmly about their relationship problems. Obviously, if the therapist can make suggestions, comments and offer advice to the couple on how to better deal with each other, this will greatly benefit them and speed the healing process. By merely providing a forum for calm, orderly discussion, the therapist can move a couple off of the path towards a breakup or divorce and back into the realm of hope for the survival of the relationship.
The problems may come from any list – sex, money, quality time, control, outside influences, personal issues, infidelity, fear, listening to and supporting each other, but all of these problems can be addressed, perhaps not solved but at least addressed, through communication with each other. If there is no communication, the relationship problems will win out and the relationship itself must ultimately fail.
Too often, talking to each other means fighting with each other. Relationship problems can’t be solved with yelling and screaming and the main purpose of a workshop, or a quiz or therapy is that there is something or someone there to prevent the yelling and screaming from taking over the process.
The therapist can be helpful if he or she does nothing more than to provide a safe, controlled atmosphere for the couple to talk calmly about their relationship problems. Obviously, if the therapist can make suggestions, comments and offer advice to the couple on how to better deal with each other, this will greatly benefit them and speed the healing process. By merely providing a forum for calm, orderly discussion, the therapist can move a couple off of the path towards a breakup or divorce and back into the realm of hope for the survival of the relationship.
The problems may come from any list – sex, money, quality time, control, outside influences, personal issues, infidelity, fear, listening to and supporting each other, but all of these problems can be addressed, perhaps not solved but at least addressed, through communication with each other. If there is no communication, the relationship problems will win out and the relationship itself must ultimately fail.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Essential Factors Leading To Bad Relationships
The essential problem in any bad relationship is a breakdown in communication between the two partners. No matter what the issues are (money, infidelity, etc.), the real problem is that the two partners haven’t been talking openly to each other about their feelings. This lack of communication is what makes the problems grow in the early stages and furthermore, what makes them hugely difficult to deal with in the end stages of the relationship. And essentially, whether couples go to workshops together, or therapy, or even answer the questions on a relationship quiz together, the real bottom line for any method is that the two people are talking to each other about their relationship.
Too often, talking to each other means fighting with each other. Relationship problems can’t be solved with yelling and screaming and the main purpose of a workshop, or a quiz or therapy is that there is something or someone there to prevent the yelling and screaming from taking over the process.
The therapist can be helpful if he or she does nothing more than to provide a safe, controlled atmosphere for the couple to talk calmly about their relationship problems. Obviously, if the therapist can make suggestions, comments and offer advice to the couple on how to better deal with each other, this will greatly benefit them and speed the healing process. By merely providing a forum for calm, orderly discussion, the therapist can move a couple off of the path towards a breakup or divorce and back into the realm of hope for the survival of the relationship.
The problems may come from any list – sex, money, quality time, control, outside influences, personal issues, infidelity, fear, listening to and supporting each other, but all of these problems can be addressed, perhaps not solved but at least addressed, through communication with each other. If there is no communication, the relationship problems will win out and the relationship itself must ultimately fail.
Means Of Good relationship With Men
I think it's safe to say that I've learned quite a bit about relationships in my 30 years. Granted, this is not exactly considered old and wise, but I have some data to offer. In fact, I think I can offer advice to either gender. What do you want to know about; relationships with men, or relationships with women? Although I've only been in relationships with women, I can offer some valuable advice to all the women out there regarding my testosterone-driven species. So, are you listening ladies? I am about to drop some serious relationship bombs on you. Afterwards you'll know men a tad better.
Okay, when it comes to relationships with men, all you ladies should know a few things about our belching and gas-passing gender. It's actually crucial to know these things if you truly expect your relationship to last the tests of time. First of all, we like to say what's real. This mean that we hate to beat around the bush. Translated, if you have something to say or ask, just do it. Get right to the point or we may just avoid you out of spite. So, for example, if you want your man to get you a glass of wine, then don't say something like "Wow, a glass of merlot sure would be nice right now." Your boyfriend or husband is probably just going to nod with a "That's great" look on his face and then go back to whatever it was he is doing. This is an imperative factor when it comes to relationships with men. If you need something from us, just spit it out. Then there is the whole communication issue. Now, no offense to all the females out there, but girls are notorious for keeping quiet and holding a grudge. If something is ticking you off, just say it. If you don't, your guy will never know. He's not a medium or mind reader. Communication is imperative!
So, there may be a few ladies out there who insist on more data concerning relationships with men. This is not a problem to say the least. There are oodles of articles online that address relationships with men. Find out what your man like and dislikes. Discover whether or not he is truly satisfied in the relationship. Hey, all of us men have to do this kind of stuff. It goes both ways.
Okay, when it comes to relationships with men, all you ladies should know a few things about our belching and gas-passing gender. It's actually crucial to know these things if you truly expect your relationship to last the tests of time. First of all, we like to say what's real. This mean that we hate to beat around the bush. Translated, if you have something to say or ask, just do it. Get right to the point or we may just avoid you out of spite. So, for example, if you want your man to get you a glass of wine, then don't say something like "Wow, a glass of merlot sure would be nice right now." Your boyfriend or husband is probably just going to nod with a "That's great" look on his face and then go back to whatever it was he is doing. This is an imperative factor when it comes to relationships with men. If you need something from us, just spit it out. Then there is the whole communication issue. Now, no offense to all the females out there, but girls are notorious for keeping quiet and holding a grudge. If something is ticking you off, just say it. If you don't, your guy will never know. He's not a medium or mind reader. Communication is imperative!
So, there may be a few ladies out there who insist on more data concerning relationships with men. This is not a problem to say the least. There are oodles of articles online that address relationships with men. Find out what your man like and dislikes. Discover whether or not he is truly satisfied in the relationship. Hey, all of us men have to do this kind of stuff. It goes both ways.
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